The new mansion being built in Great Falls is ridiculous. From this opening sentence, I have both already failed to shock 80 percent of my audience and reinforced all stereotypical notions of what living in Great Falls is like. But when I say “ridiculous,” I don’t mean ridiculous in a bad way, or in reference to the “tricked out” rapper (whose house it probably is), I mean it in an “I’m so jealous, I wish this was my house” kind of way. Yes, big mansions do cloud the landscape of scenic, rural Great Falls and can be gaudy and tacky. But think of it if the tables were reversed (and for many of you, they actually are). Who wouldn’t want a massive movie theater with plush seating and a popcorn machine? Who wouldn’t want a swimming pool with six slides, or a bedroom with a Shaq-sized bed? The answer: no one! Or, at least no one who is being honest. Those of you saying that you would rather live in a smaller house where you have just what you need are lying to yourselves, to me, and have also probably never seen MTV’s show Cribs.

Maybe I sound shallow, and I can own up to that. For me, though, the rural setting of Great Falls is not what appeals to me. The big mansions don’t really ruin the landscape in my eyes or make me upset, because I’m not much of a nature girl anyway. Do I want a grand, open backyard where I can explore and ride my thoroughbred horses? No, no I do not. I want a big (one might say, “dank”) house where I have everything I need inside, and can watch horses galloping through the wilderness from the comfort of the plush movie seating aforementioned.

With that said, I think it’s now come time to announce that this mansion (being built for a reported $20 million) is my new house. I want to extend a warm “welcome to my crib” to MTV– I think I’ve outdone P. Diddy with this one.