Editors Note: This story may or may not be updated on Dec. 22:
The Mayans supposedly predicted the end of the world would come Dec. 21, 2012.
This Friday.
Even though NASA has discredited the claims, who’s more reliable, NASA or the Mayans? It’s a toss-up, really. I think it’s wise, either way, to milk this apocalypse for all it’s worth. Assuming the apocalypse does occur, I’ve compiled a list of how you could spend your last day on earth in NoVA.
1. Go to the Langley vs Fairfax basketball game. Since it’s unclear when the world will end, you may still be alive to go to the game. Where else would you rather be on your last day on earth than at Langley?
2. Cook through every recipe in any of Paula Deen’s cookbooks. You may acquire diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or simply have an immediate heart attack, but at least you’d die by way of a fried donut sandwich than a fiery inferno.
3. Buy a Ferrari, preferably red, since you don’t have any fear of the cops (I’d hope that during the end of the world they’d have better things to do than pursue you). Go all out and personalize the license plate. Something like “FERAWRI” would work: the worse the pun, the better.
4. Get that tattoo you’ve been pondering (or better yet, the one you haven’t been pondering). It’s the perfect time to get that cursive script of a cliché down your ribcage.
5. Go through the whole day naked. You won’t be cold because of the aforementioned fiery inferno. In a more poetic sense, you’ll look like you did when you were born at the end of the world.
6. Attempt to start a flash mob. Unplanned. Will anyone follow you? Maybe not. But if you’re dancing (and naked, if you’re also following idea five) people will at least watch and videotape you. Maybe your last 15 minutes on earth will be your 15 minutes of fame.
7. Say everything you need to say. Now, I’m not talking about any mushy confessions of love. I’m talking about all the snarky things you’ve been suppressing about people (or is that just me?) for years.
8. Buy something that you have absolutely no use for that is both ridiculously expensive and gaudy. Think a diamond encrusted toilet seat shaped like a throne.
9. Venture into DC. You can either get into a fair amount of mischief or do some sightseeing: either way, DC provides apocalypse entertainment. Also, I think it’d definitely be a good strategy to be near the White House during the apocalypse. I hear NASA is sending President Obama to the moon, so maybe you’ll be able to hitch a ride.
10. Don’t leave your house all day. To be honest, I think I’d enjoy sitting at home catching up on TV, eating everything I want, and lounging on my favorite chair on my last day. Just because the world is ending doesn’t mean my laziness has to.