Executive Online Editor Riley Cosgrove gives celebrities tips on their 2013 New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Lindsay Lohan needs to stop acting. Even when acting as Liz Taylor, someone Lohan could somewhat relate to, she was terrible. Lindsay, your acting days were over after Mean Girls. It’s time to find a new career. You could try Sears? They’re always hiring.

2. I’d love it if Justin Timberlake made it his goal to make another album. I’ve been crying (a river) over his absence in the music industry.

3. Perhaps 2 Chainz could resolve to go to a speech therapist. I can’t understand the man, aside from his ever-present intro: “2 Chaaaaainz” (not that there would really be much to gain in clearly hearing his rhymes).

4. I think we’d all benefit from the Olympic athletes (aka the swimmers) making more public appearances after the Olympics. I’m going through serious Ryan Lochte withdrawal.

5. Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield need to get married, ASAP. Their kids would have the coolest pseudo-British, borderline 20-year-smoker raspy voice ever.

6. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively should have kids, like now. 18 years isn’t too large of an age difference between myself and their future son.

7. On that note, Snooki should resolve to never have another child. One baby blast in a glass is all we need.

8. Miley Cyrus should change her hair to anything other than the short platinum cut she has now. If Liam wanted to marry Draco Malfoy (Google it, the similarities are uncanny), he would’ve proposed to Tom Felton outright.

9. Kim Kardashian and Kanye should make a movie documenting Kim’s pregnancy. I mostly just want to see what Kanye designs for his baby: Leather diapers are in for 2013.

10. Mama June (Honey Boo Boo’s mom, if you avoid shows about premature beauty queens) should write a parenting book. A woman who endorses family mud fights and who taught her daughter that the breakfast of champions consists of cheesepuffs clearly knows what she’s doing.